1 00:00:56,840 --> 00:01:01,860 Ey up, Nora. You look a fair treat this morning. Where are you off to? 2 00:01:01,860 --> 00:01:04,360 None of your business! 3 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:06,860 What the dickens is that? 4 00:01:06,860 --> 00:01:09,440 What does it look like? 5 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,980 A foggy day in Barnsley! 6 00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:17,040 You're not leaving washing like that out there! Why not? 7 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:21,060 In case some damn fool thinks it's mine. 8 00:01:21,060 --> 00:01:25,600 I know you usually wear sensible stuff underneath, 9 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:29,680 but no-one will think you'd go this far. 10 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:35,660 How do you know what I wear underneath? I see you pegging them out! 11 00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:38,240 You shouldn't be looking. 12 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:43,800 Don't worry, lass. It won't put me off my steak and kidney pud! 13 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:50,900 Well, I must say, you look very tasty this morning! Keep your distance! 14 00:01:50,900 --> 00:01:56,400 Take them damn things down. Put them in a bucket, and I'll wash them later. 15 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,420 I've just washed them. 16 00:01:58,420 --> 00:02:00,900 Ye gods! 17 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,400 HELLO! 18 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:08,460 Nora Batty is interfering with my underwear! 19 00:02:08,460 --> 00:02:13,400 Oh! You mustn't interfere with Compo's underwear. Keep away! 20 00:02:21,420 --> 00:02:25,380 Nora Batty were looking tasty this morning. 21 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:35,600 I SAID, Nora Batty were looking tasty this morning. 22 00:02:37,260 --> 00:02:42,220 You don't say. Yes I do. Oh, well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs. 23 00:02:43,460 --> 00:02:45,940 Talk to yourself, Compo. 24 00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:49,760 Wind in the west, is it? 25 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,680 Slightly southwest. 26 00:02:57,420 --> 00:02:59,900 Forecast was quite good. 27 00:03:01,620 --> 00:03:08,640 I'm so glad that everybody finds my little bit of news so interesting. 28 00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:11,160 I didn't expect you to overdo it. 29 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:15,140 I didn't expect you to jump up and down. 30 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:18,660 What's he on about? 31 00:03:18,660 --> 00:03:22,220 I'm on about Nora Batty. 32 00:03:22,220 --> 00:03:27,800 You should have seen her this morning. Talk about done up! 33 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:32,840 Well, she could stand a bit! They've done the town hall up. 34 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:36,920 There they have something to go on! Bog off! 35 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:42,920 She looked terrific. That woman inflames a bloke's senses, I tell you. 36 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,460 Like scarlet fever? 37 00:03:45,460 --> 00:03:47,640 No! Like Vivien Leigh. 38 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:52,420 Oh. Scarlett O'Fever! 39 00:03:53,960 --> 00:04:01,060 The thing is, where was Nora Batty going looking so delicious? 40 00:04:01,060 --> 00:04:05,640 Didn't you ask? Yes. She wouldn't tell me. 41 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:12,760 I expect she was going to the doctor's. Why the doctor's? 42 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,280 They always get dressed up for that. 43 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:21,080 That generation only looks half-smart when they're half-dead! 44 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,920 She wasn't going to the doctor's. 45 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,960 She's a fit lass, she is. 46 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:31,040 Packs a wallop like a kangaroo! 47 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:36,440 THAT'S who she looks like. Not Vivien Leigh. A kangaroo! 48 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,740 What's wrong with him? 49 00:04:45,740 --> 00:04:48,180 I think we hurt his feelings. 50 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:02,580 Here. Get this down and stop sulking. 51 00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:06,240 You can't drink AND sulk. 52 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:11,280 This stuff is too expensive to be ignored while you drink it. 53 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:14,340 Stop mocking the woman I love. 54 00:05:14,340 --> 00:05:17,720 Good grief! What do you think the Almighty designed her for?! 55 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,220 I've fancied Nora Batty for years. 56 00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:23,220 Then YOU should see a doctor! 57 00:05:23,220 --> 00:05:25,760 Can't explain it. Me neither. 58 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,340 Must be something chemical. 59 00:05:28,340 --> 00:05:31,060 Oh. Like Harpic? 60 00:05:35,180 --> 00:05:37,700 I wonder where she were going. 61 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:48,680 You can't just go round asking people where Nora Batty is. 62 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:52,320 It's none of your business. It's rude to pry. 63 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:57,660 I'm not going to ask straight out. I'm going to be crafty about it. 64 00:05:57,660 --> 00:06:00,380 This I must see. SHOP! 65 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,060 Wait a minute! 66 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:12,500 I don't want to pry into Nora Batty's life. 67 00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:18,000 I do. Don't worry about it, Norm. If there's any prying, I'll do it. 68 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:25,060 I'm not superstitious, but some mysteries of the universe are best left alone. 69 00:06:25,060 --> 00:06:27,800 SHOP! 70 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,320 Can't you wait two minutes?! 71 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:33,060 I was putting buns in the oven. 72 00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:38,440 You should be ashamed of yourself! DON'T! 73 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,960 You're under pressure, Ivy. 74 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:48,140 You should stop to listen to the birds and look at the blue sky. 75 00:06:48,140 --> 00:06:51,160 I don't want your old flannel! 76 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,120 Why don't we come back later? 77 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:57,800 Or even later than that?! 78 00:06:58,860 --> 00:07:00,900 Sit down! 79 00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:03,540 Seymour! Sit down. 80 00:07:07,140 --> 00:07:11,640 Three teas, Ivy. And one for Nora when she comes. 81 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,360 Nora? 82 00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:19,180 Nora B-A-T-T-Y! 83 00:07:19,180 --> 00:07:23,640 I KNOW which Nora. How do you know she's coming here? 84 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:26,080 I have a nasty itch in my wellies! 85 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:30,060 Just call it a ferret fancier's fancy! 86 00:07:31,460 --> 00:07:36,500 I call it nonsense. She won't come. She doesn't work here on a Wednesday. 87 00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:39,340 She's not working. She's dressed up. 88 00:07:39,340 --> 00:07:43,300 Dressed up? On a Wednesday? 89 00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:46,860 Yes. Best stockings. Not a wrinkle! 90 00:07:46,860 --> 00:07:49,380 That's funny. 91 00:07:53,460 --> 00:07:56,460 It's plain she knows nowt. 92 00:07:56,460 --> 00:07:59,000 I'm getting worried. 93 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:03,500 Stop behaving as if your ferret were pregnant! 94 00:08:05,420 --> 00:08:09,780 I'm not sitting up all night with him again. 95 00:08:10,860 --> 00:08:12,920 Not a wrinkle? 96 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,820 You heard me! Not a wrinkle! 97 00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:18,540 It's flying in the face of nature. 98 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:25,900 PHONE RINGS 99 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:31,460 Pegden residence. Lady of the house speaking. 100 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,540 What? 101 00:08:34,540 --> 00:08:38,980 On a Wednesday? And no wrinkles? 102 00:08:39,980 --> 00:08:42,480 Is she going to the doctor's? 103 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,040 No, nothing's on at the church. 104 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:48,780 I would have been invited. 105 00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:53,360 No, as you say, she's not poorly. 106 00:08:55,060 --> 00:08:58,060 It's not a wedding or a funeral? 107 00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:02,920 It must be a very important crisis. 108 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:10,380 Take away sickness and death, and all you have left is something in trousers, isn't it? 109 00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:12,880 Can I just...? No, you can't! 110 00:09:17,460 --> 00:09:22,320 PHONE RINGS 111 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,340 Hello. 112 00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:26,920 If that's your bit of fluff, 113 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:33,420 tell her how romantic you were groaning with heartburn in flannelette pyjamas 114 00:09:33,420 --> 00:09:37,420 with your hair sticking up like exploding knitting. 115 00:09:37,420 --> 00:09:39,900 It's for you, love. 116 00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:45,380 Hello. 117 00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,920 On a Wednesday? Never! 118 00:09:49,460 --> 00:09:51,980 Without a wrinkle? 119 00:09:51,980 --> 00:09:54,580 What are you nebbing at? 120 00:09:54,580 --> 00:09:57,120 Go and tend to one of your ailments. 121 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:02,020 Go and dab something on a spot or something, lover-boy. 122 00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:07,280 Just because your path happens to cross with someone out cycling... 123 00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:11,560 So... 124 00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,040 Come along, that boy. 125 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:16,520 You can't just sit there. 126 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,580 I'm sitting here till she gets home. 127 00:10:19,580 --> 00:10:22,200 I demand an explanation. 128 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:27,260 I've a right to know why she's dressed up on a Wednesday! 129 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,840 It fills me with admiration 130 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:36,820 that anyone with trousers in his condition can still sit on cold surfaces. 131 00:10:36,820 --> 00:10:41,560 He's completely mad. You have to admit he's brave. 132 00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:46,940 There's probably a perfectly simple reason why she's dressed up. 133 00:10:46,940 --> 00:10:50,000 What do you think, Clegg? 134 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:54,020 I think you're right. She must have a fella! 135 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:57,060 AARGH! I'll kill him! 136 00:10:57,060 --> 00:10:59,520 Now look what you've done. 137 00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:13,240 Come and have a drink! 138 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:17,240 I don't want a drink. I'm hearing things! 139 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,820 It's a mistake. Ask him again. 140 00:11:19,820 --> 00:11:26,980 How could you expect a bloke to drink when he's all knotted up inside? 141 00:11:26,980 --> 00:11:29,600 You're all knotted up OUTSIDE! 142 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:36,180 I can't. I can't drink in this condition. 143 00:11:36,180 --> 00:11:41,180 Suppose we forget about beer and buy you a whisky? 144 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:45,880 Maybe I CAN drink in this condition. 145 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,800 SHOP! 146 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,880 Ey up... 147 00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:11,260 I'll KILL him! 148 00:12:16,380 --> 00:12:18,900 I'll kill him! 149 00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:23,920 Control yourself. I'm sure there's a simple explanation. 150 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:27,000 Think of one! Think of what? 151 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:31,620 An explanation why she's in there with a man. 152 00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:34,660 She's in love. I'll KILL him! 153 00:12:34,660 --> 00:12:37,100 That's not the one! 154 00:12:40,740 --> 00:12:43,200 Hot, sweet tea. 155 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:50,260 I've revived many a cold, wet, shivering schoolboy with hot, sweet tea. 156 00:12:50,260 --> 00:12:52,760 It's the finest thing for shock. 157 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:55,360 I've had all the shock I need. 158 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:59,360 Not for GIVING shock, for CURING it. 159 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,700 Nowt can cure this one. 160 00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:04,240 Don't be so damned dramatic. 161 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:09,660 It's probably her insurance man or...um...or...um... 162 00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:12,720 Her fancy man. AARGH! 163 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,940 Will you keep quiet! 164 00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:18,000 Only kidding! He's not in the mood. 165 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,020 It wasn't her insurance man. 166 00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:24,280 She was smiling at him all the time. 167 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,660 Not smiling, exactly. 168 00:13:26,660 --> 00:13:30,320 She never smiles exactly. It's hit and miss. 169 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,860 Eurgh! 170 00:13:33,860 --> 00:13:35,840 Oh, dear! 171 00:13:42,700 --> 00:13:47,200 Fancy her going astray after all these years. 172 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,740 Leaving me. At my age! 173 00:13:49,740 --> 00:13:53,200 And I can't even join the Foreign Legion! 174 00:13:54,260 --> 00:13:56,840 I could give you a reference. 175 00:13:58,780 --> 00:14:01,280 You could join Help the Aged. 176 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,840 That's NOT funny. 177 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:08,900 It's hilarious. Life keeps on surprising and delighting me. 178 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:16,760 You think you've seen most things, then you find a bloke prepared to have lunch with Nora Batty! 179 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,500 Perhaps he doesn't see too well! 180 00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:22,020 Why do you think it is? 181 00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:26,940 Why isn't it ME sitting in that bar, next to her? 182 00:14:26,940 --> 00:14:31,440 The reason is because YOU look disgusting. 183 00:14:34,780 --> 00:14:37,300 You're unshaven and tatty. 184 00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:42,320 You look like you should have been burned on November 5th. 185 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:44,760 You're a mess! 186 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,260 Ah. I mean, apart from that. 187 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,980 Why's she avoiding me, Norm? 188 00:14:50,980 --> 00:14:53,360 You're just lucky, I guess. 189 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,320 There's nothing else for it. 190 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,860 I've got to change my image. 191 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,920 Now we're getting somewhere. 192 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,420 That's positive thinking. 193 00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:26,080 Oh! Pick your feet up! 194 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:38,960 Right! One, two, three. 195 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:42,660 One, two, three-allairy 196 00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:46,480 My ball's down the airy 197 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,620 Don't forget to give it to Mary 198 00:15:49,620 --> 00:15:53,000 Then you'll get a sweetie. 199 00:15:54,660 --> 00:15:56,660 Whoops! 200 00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:12,340 What's up with him? 201 00:16:12,340 --> 00:16:14,320 Love. 202 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:24,340 It'll take forever for me to get back into perfect condition. 203 00:16:24,340 --> 00:16:29,300 It'll take forever for you to get back into POOR condition! 204 00:16:32,020 --> 00:16:34,620 You're overlooking quality training. 205 00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:39,920 I once trained 11 schoolboys to win the McMurdoch shield. 206 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:43,940 The McMurdoch Shield? What was that for? 207 00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:46,440 Scottish dancing, actually. 208 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,380 But the principle's the same. 209 00:16:49,380 --> 00:16:54,180 Scottish dancing? I'm not frolicking about in a kilt. 210 00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:58,520 The principle's the same. I haven't got time. 211 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,040 When I'm fit, she'll be married! 212 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,900 I must think of something quickly. 213 00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:08,680 I have to find something to make an immediate impression. 214 00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:15,240 Something to make her look at me twice. 215 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:17,640 BOTH: Twice?! 216 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:28,020 Just walk to Wesley's car, and he'll drive you to Nora's. 217 00:17:28,020 --> 00:17:30,540 No-one will see you. 218 00:17:30,540 --> 00:17:33,260 SHE will. That's the whole idea. 219 00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:40,280 This time, instead of old scruffy, there will be an interesting, sportsman-like figure. 220 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:43,600 Are you sure no-one's there? No-one. 221 00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:55,840 Off you go! 222 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:58,320 We'll catch you up. 223 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,880 Remember how your Uncle Edgar went? 224 00:18:18,780 --> 00:18:22,400 That's just how your Uncle Edgar went. 225 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:25,280 Not in a swimming costume. 226 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:32,240 It was a lady's squirrel coat worn with a box-pleated skirt and matching accessories. 227 00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:43,500 Now, you keep out of sight until we give you the signal that Nora is here. 228 00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:51,020 Then you come round the corner whistling and swinging your towel as if you've been involved in sport. 229 00:18:51,020 --> 00:18:53,840 How will you get her to come out? 230 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:58,300 No problem. We walk up her steps and ring her bell! 231 00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:01,780 Hey! Where are you going? 232 00:19:01,780 --> 00:19:06,820 You have to help me keep Nora busy until he appears. 233 00:19:06,820 --> 00:19:09,340 I have to get back under my engine. 234 00:19:09,340 --> 00:19:14,340 I have a desperate urge to watch someone underneath an engine. 235 00:19:14,340 --> 00:19:16,900 What's the matter with you two? 236 00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:22,460 It's only Nora Batty. She's only human. 237 00:19:22,460 --> 00:19:25,540 Rubbish! She's legendary. 238 00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:31,780 If she were in a chariot, all you would see would be fleeing Romans. 239 00:19:31,780 --> 00:19:34,320 Will you get a grip on yourselves! 240 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:39,340 I can't bear to see grown men like this. You'll ring her bell? 241 00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:44,700 Of course I'll ring it. It's only a bell! 242 00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:49,940 Will you get a move on? It gets a bit nippy in this outfit. 243 00:19:49,940 --> 00:19:52,380 You've got the easy part! 244 00:19:52,380 --> 00:19:55,340 The easy part gets the nippiest. 245 00:19:55,340 --> 00:20:01,040 You stay there, quietly, until I give you the signal. 246 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:05,060 What signal? I shall cough loudly. 247 00:20:05,060 --> 00:20:08,660 I come round the corner, whistling. 248 00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:11,620 Right! And we all look surprised. 249 00:20:11,620 --> 00:20:14,640 Who wouldn't be, at that thing?! 250 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,760 Now, stop it! He needs support. 251 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,720 Particularly where it sags most! 252 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,220 Right! 253 00:20:25,220 --> 00:20:27,200 Follow me. 254 00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:32,320 What are you going to tell her? 255 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:37,280 Stop worrying. A headmaster is never lost for words. 256 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,400 What do you want? 257 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:44,900 Cat got your tongue? 258 00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:50,340 Er, well, er... I, er... As a matter of fact, I thought... 259 00:20:50,340 --> 00:20:52,900 You tell her, Clegg. 260 00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:55,420 Never lost for words(!) 261 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:56,960 Well... 262 00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,000 HE COUGHS LOUDLY 263 00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,920 Whatever's the matter with him? 264 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,440 Is his thorax full of fluff? 265 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,960 He's got a headful! 266 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,260 Is it catching? 267 00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:22,000 Tra-la! 268 00:21:26,340 --> 00:21:28,840 How do, lads? ..Morning, Nora. 269 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:38,300 What's he doing in that terrible underwear? 270 00:21:38,300 --> 00:21:41,280 Get indoors! You look unseemly! 271 00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:46,300 He wants locking up. 272 00:21:47,780 --> 00:21:50,320 You ALL want locking up. 273 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:55,860 Get off my steps, the lot of you! Coughing on a person's steps! 274 00:21:55,860 --> 00:21:58,380 Have you noticed how she's changed? 275 00:21:58,380 --> 00:22:02,460 She was never unpleasant until she met this fella. 276 00:22:02,460 --> 00:22:06,520 She was always unpleasant. Are you just saying that? 277 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,080 She was always unpleasant! 278 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,620 Is that true, Norm? Cross my heart. 279 00:22:11,620 --> 00:22:14,240 A real nag. Frightening. Fair enough. 280 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,240 Don't just say it to cheer me up. 281 00:22:18,300 --> 00:22:20,900 Don't sit there! 282 00:22:20,900 --> 00:22:28,440 Be reasonable, man. You can't keep the most comfortable chair when you've got guests. 283 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,880 Oh! 284 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,700 Put his bum on there. 285 00:22:37,700 --> 00:22:40,480 Yes, that's better. 286 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,480 I'll stand, I'll stand. 287 00:22:51,780 --> 00:22:54,840 You know what it is, don't you? 288 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:59,800 She's never yet seen you in some sporting activity. 289 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:06,360 We need to let her see you doing something sporty. 290 00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:08,360 Like what? 291 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,740 It doesn't LOOK like a sailboard. 292 00:23:16,740 --> 00:23:19,300 For short notice, it does. 293 00:23:19,300 --> 00:23:21,820 Of course it does. 294 00:23:21,820 --> 00:23:24,380 What do you think, Norm? 295 00:23:24,380 --> 00:23:29,380 Well, maybe from a distance it looks like a sailboard... 296 00:23:29,380 --> 00:23:32,380 That DOESN'T look like a sailboard. 297 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,380 Ah, Barry! Just the man. 298 00:23:38,380 --> 00:23:42,120 Could you listen to my wheel bearing? 299 00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:44,180 Barry. 300 00:23:44,180 --> 00:23:49,520 You're an independent witness with keen powers of observation. 301 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:53,540 You can tell us what this looks like. 302 00:23:53,540 --> 00:23:56,040 An ironing board. 303 00:23:57,820 --> 00:24:04,240 Barry, I wonder whether you've got the hang of being a son-in-law. 304 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:13,280 The more you look at it, the less it looks like an ironing board. 305 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:18,320 The more you look at it, the less it looks like a sailboard. 306 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:22,900 You do a rush job, and your work is insulted. 307 00:24:22,900 --> 00:24:25,420 It DOES look like an ironing board. 308 00:24:25,420 --> 00:24:28,980 Barry isn't familiar with sailboards. 309 00:24:28,980 --> 00:24:31,500 Have you done any sailboarding? 310 00:24:31,500 --> 00:24:34,040 Well, none. We usually go to my aunty's. 311 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,600 There you are, you see. 312 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:41,560 To anyone else, it will look instantly like a sailboard. 313 00:24:43,180 --> 00:24:45,200 Wesley Pegden? 314 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:51,160 Where are you going with my ironing board? 315 00:25:00,220 --> 00:25:05,240 We'll get the sail on. It will look fine with a sail on. 316 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:10,320 Just like a graceful old single-masted ironing board. 317 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:16,920 You can forget it. Shut the shop and pull the blind. I won't do it. It's... You... 318 00:25:23,500 --> 00:25:28,160 Do you think it will look all right with a sail on it? 319 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:47,000 Ready? 320 00:25:49,260 --> 00:25:51,260 Oops! Come back! 321 00:25:52,580 --> 00:25:55,140 Now, nothing clever for starters. 322 00:25:55,140 --> 00:25:59,320 Just step on board and get the feel of it. 323 00:26:00,380 --> 00:26:02,400 Come on! 324 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:04,960 There we are. Oops! 325 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,440 Steady as a rock. 326 00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,760 Now, let down the main. 327 00:26:21,380 --> 00:26:23,880 Let down the sail! 328 00:26:26,620 --> 00:26:28,580 Right! 329 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,220 Launch it! 330 00:26:34,220 --> 00:26:36,700 Push it out! 331 00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:50,080 We'll have to go in deeper water. 332 00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:01,820 You've got the feel of it, Seymour! 333 00:27:03,540 --> 00:27:06,000 Well, always lead from the front. 334 00:27:15,140 --> 00:27:18,180 This will work. ..Are you ready? 335 00:27:18,180 --> 00:27:20,220 I'm ready. 336 00:27:20,220 --> 00:27:22,740 All right. Stand by! 337 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:24,220 Go! 338 00:27:34,500 --> 00:27:36,540 Stop, Wesley! 339 00:27:36,540 --> 00:27:38,780 HELP! 340 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:49,880 Excuse me asking, but why is he doing this? He thinks Nora Batty has found a gentleman. 341 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,560 They were in the pub together. 342 00:27:53,860 --> 00:27:58,800 That's Uncle Eric. He wants people to sell Christmas hampers for him. 343 00:28:03,460 --> 00:28:05,500 All right! 344 00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:08,020 You needn't bother. 345 00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:09,400 Mayday! Mayday! 346 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,280 Determined little beggar! 347 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:56,420 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 348 00:28:56,470 --> 00:29:01,020 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0